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Gay Men and Femininity: The Horror
Why are there so many hair stylists who are gay? Why are our homes so often featured in interior plan magazines?
Why are we often the tastemakers of the fashion industry?
Why is there an entire décor resale website named “Previously Owned By A Gay Man”?
Is there a special homosexual “taste” gene yet to be discovered?
Alan Downs, in his popular book The Velvet Rage, argues that the reason that queer men are overrepresented as leaders in these industries is that we’ve had to become masters of hiding. As kids our true selves did not get validated, and so we learned to make the appearance of beauty as way to conceal our “unbeautiful” selves from the world. “We’re experts in making things and people look good,” writes Downs.
It’s an interesting theory, and one that would be hard to verify or disprove. I contain no idea if it’s true. However, I accomplish think The Velvet Rage is the most essential book we have on gay men’s development.
What I love about the novel are the first several chapters where he validates, with hard-hitting language, the challenges of
Many gay men grew up feeling ashamed of not conforming to cultural expectations about “real boys” or “real men.” Especially during middle and high institution, they may have been bullied or publicly humiliated because of their difference—made to feel like outsiders and not “one of the boys.” They may have found it easier relating to women than men, though they didn’t fully belong to the girl group, either.
Every homosexual man I’ve seen in my practice over the years has had a conflicted, troubled relationship with his own masculinity, often shaping his behavior in destructive ways. Writing for Vice, Jeff Leavell captures the dynamic nicely: “Queer people, especially gay men, are known for dealing with a slew of self-doubts and anxieties in noxious ways. Gay men are liable to experience incredibly insecure over their masculinity, a kind of internalized homophobia that leads them to idolize 'masc 4 masc', 'gaybros' and [to] shame and oppress femme men.”
Here we observe one of the most common defenses against shame: getting rid of it by offloading or projecting it onto somebody else; in this case, one
10 Things Gay Men Should Discuss
Top 10 Things Gay Men Should Discuss with Their Healthcare Provider
Following are the health issues GLMA&#x;s healthcare providers have identified as most commonly of concern for gay men. While not all of these items use to everyone, it&#x;s wise to be aware of these issues.
1. Come Out to Your First Healthcare Provider
In arrange to provide you with the optimal care possible, your primary care supplier should know you are gay. Knowing your sexual orientation and sexual behaviors will help your healthcare provider propose the correct preventative screenings, and organize the appropriate tests. If your vendor does not look comfortable with you as a homosexual man, find another provider. You can consult the Homosexual Healthcare Directory for aid finding a provider.
2. Reducing the Peril of Getting or Transmitting HIV
Many men who have sex with men are at an increased risk of getting HIV, but the ability to block the acquisition and transmission of HIV has improved drastically in recent years. If you are living with HIV, anti-HIV medications can help
What Gay Men Should Expect in a Relationship
Some gay men lay up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here&#;s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their possessiveness. They think that the queer community believes in sexual liberty and it isn&#;t cool or manly to object to their partner&#;s sexual behavior.
In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples procure plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell