Gay men and relationships
AsI think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes get asked what the differences are that I see (in general) in male lover male relationships that are (again, in general), different from linear relationships.
I offer these thoughts to both single and coupled gay men, based on my perspective of what I’ve seen through the years. My experiences and observations as a queer men’s specialist psychotherapist might differ from other gay men, and even other gay male therapists, and we always have to be mindful of not indulging in unfair assumptions, stereotypes, or even prejudices. But since making a relationship work (which I define, in part, as the relationship’s level of satisfaction for each partner and in its overall longevity and subjective “quality” for each partner) is at least in part based on a skills-building process, skills that I believe are required for a gay male relationship to both endure (quantity) and thrive (quality). These are the issues that come up repeatedly in couples counseling sessions:
1. Money– Gay m
Gay Men in Open Relationships: What Works?
Hint: It will take a lot of work.
As a couples counselor working with gay men I am often asked my opinion on monogamy and open LGBTQ relationships. What works for men in long-term relationships? First, the research.
Several research studies show that about 50% of gay male couples are monogamous and about 50% allow for sex outside of the bond. The research finds no difference in the level of happiness or stability among these groups.
Next, my opinions and advice, based on my therapy practice.
Talk About It Openly With Your Partner
If you and your partner want to have a close association and have additional sex partners, be prepared for a lot of talking. And I&#;m not just referring to discussions about when, where and with whom. I mean talking about feelings, what we therapists call &#;processing.&#;
If that kind of conversation makes you squirm, I grasp. Most men are not socialized to embrace the sharing of intimate and vulnerable emotions. However, if you aren&#;t willing to experiment with processing then I suspect
What Gay Men Should Expect in a Relationship
Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, doze with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current boyfriend, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here&#;s what I discover most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t feel they acquire a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I support them let proceed of their resentment. They think that the gay society believes in sexual freedom and it isn&#;t cool or manly to protest to their partner&#;s sexual behavior.
In other words, they undergo shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship action among straight people. When gay men tell
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The following research information is summarised from the published work ofDr. David P. McWhirter, MD and Dr. Andrew M. Mattison, MSW, PhD(professional & personal partners, sadly now both deceased).
Growth in Gay Male Couple Relationships
Over a 5-year period ( to ), David P. McWhirter, MD and Andrew M. Mattison MSW, PhD interviewed in-depth lgbtq+ male couples (in the California, San Diego County area) about their significant / intimate couple relationship.
The couples interviewed were not in therapy had been living together as male to male partners anywhere from 1 to more than 37 years, and were not in therapy. The mean time in each relationship was years, with the median being slightly over 5 years.
This learn documents how intimate relationships between two men expand and become sustained.
From the interview data, McWhirter and Mattison identified: Six Developmental Stages Of Relationship between gay male couples(the first four stages occurring within the first 10 years of the couple&#;s relationship).
These developmental stages of